Hold My Horses-Chris Bower

My Angry Defense of Wrigley Field (Foie Gras in my Beard)

Hating Wrigley has been common to 5 types of people: Opposing teams, Jaded radio hosts that have made a career out of being contrary, Suburban fucks that want to be able to park in a Wal-Mart style parking lot, Asshole Cub fans who can’t just accept that our team is no good this year, and aging sportswriters who are trying to stay relevant.  ( I was sitting two rows away from Peter Gammons as he watched Tom Glavine win his 300th game at Wrigley and where was his complaint about Wrigley then?)

Wrigley has only improved under the Ricketts family and in ways I don’t give a fuck about.  Who needs good food at a ballgame?  Who needs to be fucking pampered? And if you have been to the bathrooms recently, they are much improved.  What the hell is he even complaining about? Is he now a fucking landscaper?  They even redid their drainage system for rain, not just for  urine but for fucking baseball reasons. When the Cubs had a good team, where was Peter Gammons?  He was watching the game in amazing seats at the best park to watch a game in the world.  It’s a disgrace to have a Hall of Fame sportswriter be such a pansy ass at this point in his career.  He has seen bad ballparks and this ain’t one of them.  ”Fucikng piece of shit, tryng to go Yankee heaven.”  That was a quote from a 5 year old who is a product of CPS, explaining the misspelling,  overhearing the topic of my story and when I asked her what she was talking about, she said, “Peta Gamons.” It was as damning as it was adorable.

And anyone that thinks the Miller Park Mall is a better place to watch a game is the same person that wants their pretzel well done, just so they can feel they are well served. You can have that done there, if you want.  You can also pick and choose which bathroom stall that you want to shit that pretzel out in, because there are many. They have wi-fi too so you can catch up on your scrabble game, check your email and maybe even find a good place to eat after the game.  The end of the game is all that they really care about anyway.  

Wrigley has been wrongly stigmatized as the place where people don’t care and just want to drink and have a good time.  It’s actually the opposite. While Wrigley is a great place to do just that, the majority of the fans are having a good time because of the game.  They are not bombarded with music and videos and nonsense.  If Cubs fans are guilty of anything, they are guilty of having a good time on their own. At least they are not directed by voiceover to stand up and cheer or pay attention to the game.  Cubs fans, true Cubs fans are the last of a breed.  

You will always have assholes.  

I think God said that, when he was tipsy.

The Ricketts family wants to not save, but continue the experience, the enchanting experience that is no longer available anywhere.  I also want the Cubs to win and I will be the first person to get them out of town if they don’t show they are commited to that.    

Mark Cuban should have been able to buy the Cubs. People didn’t like him because he cared too much and was willing to spend money?  Right now, we have owners who are trying to break even and not make people mad because they promised they wouldn’t be obtrusive.  And now everyone hates them?   Mark Cuban loved Wrigley and has a track record of running teams that are always winning and has seemingly endless money. We didn’t want that approach?  Why?  Because he wasn’t local?  Sam Zell is a lot of things but he ain’t local.  He has Foie Gras in his beard every morning and from out of town ducks.

Final point:  Wrigley is not the problem. If you take Wrigley away, we will become the Mets.  I would rather suffer for the rest of my life than be them.  We need to win again, at Wrigley, as long as it takes.

The End